Talking About Dementia: How to Approach an Assessment with Care

Dementia Awareness Day may have passed, but for many families in Auckland the questions and concerns continue every day. If you or someone close to you is noticing memory changes, it can be hard to know how to raise the subject, or where to go for help.

This guide is written for both older people who may be worried about their own memory, and for adult children or carers who are concerned about a parent or loved one.

Dementia is Not “Just Ageing”

It’s common to brush off forgetfulness as “just getting older.” While some changes in memory are normal, dementia is not a natural part of ageing. Ignoring the signs can delay access to help that makes a real difference.

Why Early Diagnosis Matters

Getting assessed early has important benefits:

Rule out other conditions: Low vitamin B12, thyroid issues, depression, or hearing loss can all mimic dementia and are treatable.
Access support sooner: Therapies, memory-friendly strategies, and sometimes medication are more effective when started early.
Plan ahead: A diagnosis allows time to sort out legal and financial matters, and make decisions about future care while the person’s voice is still central.
Reduce worry: Knowing what’s going on can bring relief and help families adapt together.

How to Start the Conversation

For carers or adult children:

Choose your moment: Pick a calm, private time when your parent is relaxed.
Use gentle language: Try “I’ve noticed some changes in your memory and I’m a bit worried” instead of “You keep forgetting things.”
Keep it positive: Frame it as a “health check-up” rather than a dementia test.
Offer support: Suggest making the appointment together, or offer to go along for reassurance.

For older people worried about their own memory:

Don’t delay: Talk to your GP about what you’ve noticed.
Write it down: Take notes of changes, and bring a trusted friend or whānau member with you to the appointment.

What the Assessment Looks Like in New Zealand

Start with your GP: Your family doctor is the first step. They’ll ask about changes, check medical history, and may run simple memory tests or blood tests.
Specialist referral: If needed, your GP may refer you to a geriatrician, neurologist, or a memory clinic for more detailed assessment.
Community support: After a diagnosis, your GP can link you with services like home support, respite care, or local dementia programmes.

Where to Find Help in Auckland

Alzheimers Auckland (part of Alzheimers NZ): Support groups, education, advice, and help navigating services. alzheimers.org.nz
Age Concern Auckland: Social connection programmes, carer support, advice on services and rights. ageconcernauckland.org.nz
Needs Assessment Service (NASC): Works with families to see what government-funded support you may be eligible for, such as home help or respite.
Healthline (0800 611 116): For free advice and to connect with local services.

The Takeaway

Bringing up dementia isn’t easy. But avoiding the conversation doesn’t make it go away — it only delays the chance to get support. By approaching it gently, focusing on care and respect, and starting with a GP, you can open the door to early help that benefits everyone: the person affected, their family, and their wider whānau.

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